The dust is settling. The last 5 years have been a whirlwind of life changes. Getting married, buying a house, renovating said house, getting knocked up, having a baby, resigning from my job, Science Guy starting his MBA….just to name a few of the life changes we have experienced. In the process of adjusting to the bevy of life changes, I have lost myself somewhere. I have been living my life in fast forward.
We have struggled to finish any one project in the house. Years have gone by and we have yet to unpack and settle in. We are continuing to live in a house and not a home. We have 4 walls and a roof over our heads but those walls have some half torn wall paper, some missing door trim, some old baseboards that have yet to be replaced with the new ones in the basement. The rooms of this house remain neglected and partially furnished. The rooms of the house are consumed with half hearted possessions that have been handed down to us, leftovers from our move or random items picked up at yard sales. My house has become over run with meaningless possessions. I spend an inordinate amount of time organizing, picking up, rearranging and storing these items. I spend more time taking care of these things than I do myself. Something is wrong with that picture. In an effort to rectify this situation, we are currently involved in a deep purge of this house to discard ourselves of the items that are weighing us down and no longer serving a purpose.
The same can be said of how I spend my time, what little time there is. Most of my waking day is spent with my 1 year old right now. In the fleeting moments of free time, I find myself spending an inordinate amount of that time scrolling through Instagram pictures and Facebook statuses, checking my inbox and subsequently deleting the thousand or so emails that have accrued or reading blog titles and making it half way through a post before having to shut down my laptop or put down my phone. I bookmark things to read and rarely do I return to read them. I open up emails with the intention to reply, promptly become distracted and rarely remember to return to reply. Over the course of the past year, I am sure I intended to read at least 30 books and never made it through one whole book. I am too distracted by the lure of being a stalker and voyeur into the make believe worlds of people on the internet that I call my “friends” on facebook and instagram. Don’t even get me started on twitter. Twitter is the worst offender of them all. Twitter gives me a headache. Scrolling through miles of tweets without pictures is painful for me. It requires more concentration than I can currently provide at this time.
The lack of attention and detail is probably most noticeable in how I take care of myself though. One look and you might start to notice the torn cuticles, the bitten nails, the overgrown eyebrows, the roots showing as my hair grows out, the circles and bags under my eyes and the disheveled attire. While I can certainly argue a case that raising my baby trumps long visits to the salon to get my hair done, I can’t argue that raising a baby trumps taking care of myself. I am only as good to others as I am to myself.
I am not one for New Year’s resolutions and this year is no different. However, I will make some permanent life changes. I will take better care of myself so that I may take better care of those that I love. I will purge our house and our lives of that which weighs us down whether it be possessions, thoughts or relationships. I will always choose quality over quantity. I believe less is more. I believe a house is not a home. I will make our house a home. I believe that some people look for a beautiful place while others look to make a place beautiful.