Welcome to the long awaited update on my super strenuous summer training program. It’s often referred to as the couch to 5k. I started the c25k program back in June. You can read all about that here if you feel so inclined.
There have been a few stumbling blocks along the way to completing this program and I’ve only just completed week 4. I actually thought for a minute there that week 4 might never end but I was able to knock out the final day of week 4 on Sunday. Last week was a bitch of a week with some blood, sweat and tears shed along the way.
Let’s reverse the order and talk tears. Whose tears you ask? My tears? 5 minute increments of running too much for me? Bringing me to my knees crying? No. Not yet at least anyway. Check back after next week though.
Back to the tears. We are talking about babypants. He’s been having some major meltdowns and malfunctions lately. Or for the past 7.5 months. Whichever one comes first. Last week culminated in his decision to quit napping during the day. He must be unionized because he went on strike last week. There were many tears shed. Many sleepless nights and sleepless days. Getting out of the house was a major complication. Getting dressed on most days was a major complication to be honest. His strike was difficult but I crossed the picket line and made sure that we completed the 3 days. He is currently napping now so hopefully the union of babies everywhere came to some sort of formal agreement.
Sweat. We are experiencing some insane, never ending heat wave. Temperatures in the 90’s with a heat index over 100. Every. Single. Day. Last week was hot, humid and a chance of thunderstorms every day. It’s like Florida here just without the palm trees and nice beaches. I decided that if they could run in Florida I could probably run too. That was motivation…I kid you not.
The culmination of my week was blood shed. Yep, my own. No severe life threatening injuries or loss of limbs here just a simple dog attack. Whose dog you ask? Oh, that would be my dog. The crazy Chinese fighting dog. He apparently took issue with me being in the kitchen on Saturday night and decided it best that he let me know by tearing through the delicate little toes on my left foot that propel these legs through the day. Yes, he attacked my foot with enough force that there was blood shed. Blood shed means that blood was dripping on the hardwood floors by the way. This was no simple skin abrasion. No, this was a full on attack. He is crazy but clearly I am crazier for keeping him.
So that concludes the blood, sweat and tears of pounding the pavement and completing the 4th week of the c25k. I handled it like a boss.
It’s time for sleep. Seriously. Your shenanigans are bordering on the baby version of the beibs and bynes right now. I get that they are all over the news. In fact, bynes made the news this morning for wearing her wig and sunglasses while babbling to herself and chowing down in public. Beibs, meanwhile, was doing something with a monkey recently and then something with a former president. Maybe they look cool to your babyself. With the monkeys and wigs…I get it. But really if there was a baby tabloid, you would be the cover every week. I’m here to tell you as your mother that you’re headed down the wrong path. The milkbar is closed. Go to sleep little baby. You’ll feel better after a nap. I promise.
Who coined that phrase? Obviously, they know diddlysquat about babies. Or at least my baby. We’ve gone weeks without sleep in my house. People, I’m talking weeks. Do you hear me? Am I making myself clear?
It’s true. It’s all true. There have been many a sleepless night in my house for the past many, many, many weeks. I don’t actually know how many weeks anymore. My ability to complete basic math computations has failed me. Trust me though….it has been weeks. You probably got that part already though, right?
So, why all the sleepless nights? It has something to do with a baby. I mean you don’t actually think I’m the one waking up in the middle of the night crying, pooping my pants or wanting to nurse did you? Nope. Not me this time. It’s my babypants. High maintenance middle of the night baby antics happening here.
What you probably didn’t know though is that not only does my babypants have all types of middle of the night shenanigans but now he has them during the day too. What kind of shenanigans you ask? The no napping anymore, at all, never ever kind. It’s like final destination except at my house there aren’t 5 sequels lined up. Just one….no sleep.
So back to the question at hand, who coined the term sleeping like a baby? What does that mean? In my house it means not sleeping. Sleeping like a husband. Sleeping like a dog. Sleeping like a cat. I would like to try one of those, please.
Yep. This is my kid. I found him on a mission in baby jail. Maybe looking for a way out. Looking for a spoon to dig his way to China. Searching for the missing teeth (more on that later). Or perhaps he just wanted some light reading from the stack of books by the baby jail. I’m not sure what the agenda was. What I am sure of though is now I have to lower the mattress. Ya know..for safety reasons and all. I’ll be sad to see the pretty crib skirt leave tonight but responsible parents ditch the cribskirt to keep the kid alive. At least that is what I read on google.
Ta Ta crib skirt. Hello lowered, impossible to put my kid to sleep in, mattress. Sweet dreams.
I realize that the tooth fairy gets a lot of recognition and kudos picking up teeth from around the world and leaving cash money behind but who doesn’t get a lot of recognition though is the TF’s brother. The guy responsible for dropping the teeth off at your house. I imagine he doesn’t get much fanfare because he’s a lot like Clark Griswold’s cousin Eddie. Living in an RV, drinking Schlitz and wearing polyester. A lot of polyester.
My kid has been looking for him for days on end without success. He’s been crying out for him in the wee hours of the morning desperate for his new teeth. To no avail though. No tooth fairy brother here. Maybe his RV broke down or he’s serving time for a DUI. If that’s the case, he really needs a replacement to fill in for him. My stash of teething tabs, teething gels, amber necklaces, teething rings and motrin can only hold him for so long.
So if you happen to run into TF’s brother let him know we’ve been looking for him.