This past weekend was riddled with three long nights of sleeplessness. I was exhausted and frustrated. I was mean to my family. I had just published a post on missing those newborn sleepless nights and here I was cursing myself for ever wishing for such a thing. I try so hard to enjoy my time with my little guy but sometimes it is hard. It is harder than I ever imagined it would be. Harder than I thought possible. There are some days when I don’t know how we survive. Like magic, we always do though.
Just when I started using phrases like “you’ll drive me to drink” (which happens to be one of my favorite sayings from my own childhood), I stumbled upon 100 happy days. Just a simple website designed to encourage noticing the small things in our day to day existence that make us happy because honestly everyday is not all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes we have to work a little harder to find the happy.
The truth is I am never to busy to be happy. I am never to busy to play with my son or enjoy him. In fact, I am extremely blessed with a husband who reminds me often that my only job right now is my son. The house, the laundry, the grocery shopping, the dinner….none of that stuff matters. It will all get done eventually and in the meantime I should rock my son, nurse my son, go for a run, take a nap, take a shower or do whatever needs to be done to make me a better mom. I don’t always listen. I don’t always hear him in the the thick of it all but when calmness replaces the chaos, I can hear clearly. He wants us to be happy. I am fortunate.
I am doing the #100happydays challenge on Instagram right now. Just a snapshot of something in each day that brings a little sunshine to my life. You can follow me on my Instagram account at superfreshbabypants to see my happy place each day. Better yet, you can join me in the challenge to find your happy in each day.
Earlier this week, I was woken at 3 am to the sounds of whimpering coming from the room next door. I rolled over and reached for the baby monitor. I watched my baby lie in his crib as still as can be. I could hear the whimpering and moaning coming from next door but there was no movement to accompany it. His whimpers eventually turned into little cries. There were moments of silence. I waited and watched. He was still. Perhaps he fell back asleep. Then, little cries pierced the silence. No. No, he did not fall back asleep.
I spent the next two hours quietly rocking him in his nursery. We moved from the glider to standing and back to the glider. We swayed. We rocked. We nursed. At one point, I was pacing the floor while holding my son and patting his back. His head was gently resting on my shoulder and I began to cry. It was at this moment that I realized that I missed rocking him to sleep. I had not held him this way in months. The last time I held him this way, I was just praying it would be over soon. I felt like I couldn’t rock him anymore. I couldn’t endure the hour long nursing and rocking to sleep sessions. I was tired. I needed time to recharge. I was failing at my job. My child wasn’t able to fall asleep. My child wasn’t able to stay asleep. I couldn’t do this anymore. Ironically, here I was savoring the moment. The exact moment that only months ago I had secretly wished would end. This time, I held on to my son and cried.
Time is fleeting. It goes by so fast. I miss so many moments and opportunities because I am distracted throughout the day and tired at night. This night was different though. I cherished the opportunity to spend two hours alone with my son. I would have rocked him for another 2 hours, 2 days or 2 weeks for that matter.
The house was quiet. Nothing to do. Nowhere to go. Just me and him.
It’s time for sleep. Seriously. Your shenanigans are bordering on the baby version of the beibs and bynes right now. I get that they are all over the news. In fact, bynes made the news this morning for wearing her wig and sunglasses while babbling to herself and chowing down in public. Beibs, meanwhile, was doing something with a monkey recently and then something with a former president. Maybe they look cool to your babyself. With the monkeys and wigs…I get it. But really if there was a baby tabloid, you would be the cover every week. I’m here to tell you as your mother that you’re headed down the wrong path. The milkbar is closed. Go to sleep little baby. You’ll feel better after a nap. I promise.
Who coined that phrase? Obviously, they know diddlysquat about babies. Or at least my baby. We’ve gone weeks without sleep in my house. People, I’m talking weeks. Do you hear me? Am I making myself clear?
It’s true. It’s all true. There have been many a sleepless night in my house for the past many, many, many weeks. I don’t actually know how many weeks anymore. My ability to complete basic math computations has failed me. Trust me though….it has been weeks. You probably got that part already though, right?
So, why all the sleepless nights? It has something to do with a baby. I mean you don’t actually think I’m the one waking up in the middle of the night crying, pooping my pants or wanting to nurse did you? Nope. Not me this time. It’s my babypants. High maintenance middle of the night baby antics happening here.
What you probably didn’t know though is that not only does my babypants have all types of middle of the night shenanigans but now he has them during the day too. What kind of shenanigans you ask? The no napping anymore, at all, never ever kind. It’s like final destination except at my house there aren’t 5 sequels lined up. Just one….no sleep.
So back to the question at hand, who coined the term sleeping like a baby? What does that mean? In my house it means not sleeping. Sleeping like a husband. Sleeping like a dog. Sleeping like a cat. I would like to try one of those, please.
I cannot believe that we are less than 5 months out until you are the big one!! The past 7 months have gone by in the blink of an eye. Your dad and I marvel at how quickly you are growing and changing.
This month has been a monumental
month of firsts for us! You took your first plane ride, first vacation and went swimming for the first time! You enjoyed it so much that we are ready for our next trip.
You have also started solid foods this month and have tried both avocado and carrots with success. You love both of these veggies just like ma ma and da da.
You are rolling over and sitting up on your own. You have just started crawling…rudimentary crawling…like your ma ma’s version of running….but we still count it!! You have also just started pulling yourself up using your crib rails!! I’m not ready for that….slow down, buddy.
You are still loving your exersaucer but also have developed a fondness for building blocks, stacking rings, balls and any toy that makes noise. You also fancy cell phones but those remain off limits for your digits.
You have taken a keen interest in the dog and cat too. You attempt interaction with the cat any chance you get which includes smacking her and pulling fur. The dog…not so much. Despite your age, you recognize he’s cray cray.
You’ve got two teeth already and are super focused on making more. We’ve been waiting for what seems like weeks for your uppers to arrive and look forward to some much needed sleep for all of us
It’s hard to believe that you are all ours. You’re growing up so fast and your personality is prevailing. Such a happy baby, we are so lucky to be graced by your presence every day.
Ma ma (aka boss lady)